Why The Hell Not?… Act III Corntossing

This is the part of the season that Coach Weis always likes to split up into halves. The Irish go into a bye week after their loss at the hands of the Greg Littleless North Carolina Tarheels with a virtually injury free team and only one player on suspension. (Mike Ragone is out until the Pitt game for his beatdown of Purdue’s drum).

So let us continue to look into the future as we toss bags of corn and sip on some PBR in part 3 of this insanely optimistic prediction series…

ND (5-1) @ Washington (2-4) 31-27 IRISH

Despite having high hopes for the 2008 season with Jake Locker at the helm, Washington comes into this game at a very piss poor 2-4. They also have a new head coach after Washington fired Tyrone Willingham after their homecoming loss to Oregon State. He was reached by the athletic director while playing a round at Sand Point Country Club. Ed Donatell (defensive coordinator) was named interim head coach.

The start of the game was delayed by over an hour as a chaotic set of events was set off when the newly unemployed Ty Willingham was found driving on the field with a pimped out Rolls Royce golf cart. As security chased him down Ty hit his NOS switch and gunned it towards Irish head coach Charlie Weis. Weis is certainly not the most athletic coach out there, but he managed to sidestep the charge and sumo slam Ty. The grounds crew had to dig Ty out of the endzone. He was quoted as saying, “I’ve dealt with losing before.”

The game was almost as exciting as the pre-game. The Irish running attack was spear-headed by the bull, Robert Hughes, as he rumbled his way to 3 first half TD’s. Jake Locker was nearly as unstoppable as he ran and threw his way into 3 TD’s of his own as the teams entered the half tied at 21 a piece. Notre Dame looked sluggish and out of sync on offense in the second half. They fumbled the ball away three times in Washington territory. Washington didn’t fully capitalize on those turnovers as they only turned them into 2 field goals and a failed 4th down attempt. Notre Dame was down 27-21 with about 10 minutes left in the game.

Disaster struck Washington as Jake Locker was running one of his 27 QB sweeps of the day and was upended by Irish DE Morrice Richardson causing a fumble on the Washington 37 yard line. The Fighting Irish could only manage one first down and was forced to kick a 42 yard field goal to make the score 24-27 U-Dub. The ensuing drive for Washington went nowhere as Ronnie Fouch couldn’t complete a pass while filling in for the now injured Jake Locker. Golden Tate received the punt on the Irish 29 yard line and after a quick juke of the initial gunner, took that motherfucker to the house, putting the Irish up for good 31-27. Notre Dame used a swarming defense and a controlled ground game to end the game.

MVP- Robert Hughes: 29 carries for 192 yards and 3 TD’s.

ND (6-1) VS. Pitt (7-0) 17-13 IRISH

Pitt rolls into South Bend undefeated and ranked #6 in the country. Their offense has been on a tear averaging 36.8 points per game and having a legitimate Heisman contender in LeSean McCoy. The Pitt defense has been a stingy unit for the season. Scott McKillop leads the way for a defense that is averaging 3 forced turnovers a game. Dave Wannstedt, always a crazy motherfucker, refuses to put his crutches away even though they are not needed. Good luck charms from the 2007 West Virginia game that made Dick Rod cry like a bitch.

There was no scoring in the 1st quarter by either team due to a very conservative gameplan on both sides, and some very sure tackling on both sides. Notre Dame struck first in the 2nd quarter as they took a drive 72 yards down to the Pitt 11, but failed to convert on 3rd and 2. Brandon Walker trotted in and kicked the 28 yard field goal to put the Irish up 3-0. It was almost a disaster for Pitt as they fumbled the ensuing kickoff but fell back on the ball at their own 1 yard line. After a stuffed dive and an incomplete pass, Pitt was still sitting on the 1 on 3rd down. They tossed the ball on a sweep to McCoy that put him deep in the endzone with blitzing Kyle McCarthy bearing down on him. Kyle got a hold of McCoy’s jersey and then, POOF, McCoy broke out of it and went flying down the sideline all the way for a TD. 99 yards, but it was more like 105 after he broke the tackle. The Irish almost broke a long one as Armando Allen was tripped up at the Pitt 48 on the kickoff following the McCoy sixer. The very next play took care of it as Clausen heaved a bomb to a wide open Golden Tate, 48 yards for the TD. The Irish went into the half up 10-7.

Pitt took the opening kickoff for the 2nd half and mounted a long drive that consisted of a lot of short runs and a few timely passes to reach the Irish 13 yard line. Three incomplete passes later, Pitt settled for a FG by Conor Lee to tie it up at 10 a piece. After a quick 3 and out for the Irish on their next drive, Pitt again drove down deep into Irish territory. On 3rd and goal from the Irish 8, Stull tossed a fade pass to Derek Kinder for the TD making… This play is under review. OUT OF BOUNDS! Wannstedt goes apeshit on the replay official and tries swatting him with his crutches. he misses and falls flat on his ass breaking a hip. The official just walks away without tossing the poor asshole. Pitt knocks in the chipshot FG and takes the lead 13-10. After a few stalled drives by both teams, Pitt punts the ball deep to Golden Tate. He takes it from the 14 yard line and weaves and jukes his way to daylight and screams down the middle of the field for the TD. Irish lead 17-13. With time running down in the game, Pitt starts to march down the field. On 3rd and 6 from the Irish 31, Bill Stull steps up in the pocket and fires an interception to the “Glove” Gary Gray. The Irish sit on the ball in the final seconds and take the hard fought victory.

As Wannstedt approached Weis for the handshake he lifted his crutches in the air as if to attack Charlie. He was instantly mauled by a pack of rabid fans wearing kilts and red satin jackets. One of the attackers was identified as a blogger, The Subway Domer.

MVP- Golden Tate: 3 receptions, 92 yards 1 TD. 4 punt returns 162 yards, 1 TD.

ND (7-1) @ Boston Crap (3-5) 54-7 IRISH

Notre Dame cruises into this game ranked #12 and on a roll. Boston College is feeling the sting of the post Matt Ryan era as they enter this game on a 4 game losing streak. This game got ugly in a hurry.

Boston College got off to a good start when Notre Dame running back, Jame Aldridge fumbled the ball on the first series of the game at the Irish 22. Three plays later B.C. freshman tailback, Josh Hayden scored on a 11 yard swing pass from quarterback Chris Crane.

Then the Irish proceeded to drop 54 straight points on the Eagles in an impressive stampede of ass-kicking and pussy punching. Armando Allen led the way with 223 yards rushing on 21 carries and had 3 TD’s. Golden Tate continued his streak of special teams dominance as he returned a punt 74 yards to the house. Jimmy Clausen had a banner day himself. Clausen was an amazing 21-25 for 278 yards and 4 TD’s. Mike Floyd was on the receiving end of two of those TD’s, and David Grimes and Mike Ragone both pulled in one a piece.

Gary “The Glove” Gray might have stolen the show however with 3 INT’s and one he took 43 yards for a score in the first half.

Weis was questioned after the game and criticized for attempting to go for the 2 point attempt at the end of the last two scores. The Irish failed to convert on both attempts and Weis was quoted as saying, “To hell with Boston College. The pope said so.”

MVP- Armando Allen: 21 carries for 223 yards, 4 receptions for 42 yards, 3 TD’s.

Next Up: Seamen, ‘Cuse, and Condoms

Ranking: 11 A.P. / 12 Coaches

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