Archive for the ‘Groin Kicks’ Category

Headbutts And Groin Kicks… Post $C Rant

October 22, 2007
Headbutts
  • David Bruton. He is the Irish’s best special teams player and safety. When he was out of the game for a leg injury, you could tell the difference. Best gunner in the entire universe.
  • Micheal Floyd. Thanks bud. Your first headbutt.

Groin Kicks

  • Pete “The Poodle” Carroll. You are a dick. Challenging a reception in the final minutes for no reason, other than to be a dick. Transforming into a fortune teller and spouting off predictions of ND’s demise post-game (however true it might be), means you are a dick. And for just being a dick… means you are a dick.
  • NBC. Get the game over with. No one, outside of true fanatics, was watching this ass whooping after the 3rd quarter. Those ads mean shit. I hate you. And yet… I need you.
  • The whole damn Irish football team. I mean seriously, I didn’t want to vent, but after 5 concussions from beating my head against the wall I think I need to say something. 4 more games to get your shit together and make SOMETHING out of this season.
  • Charlie Weis. QUIT HANDING THE BALL OFF TO SCHWAAP!!! I can handle an anemic running game knowing that our line is playing soft, but even 1 carry to Asaph is 1 too many. Tell him to block someone first.
  • Subway Domer. Another week of piss poor performance by the Emperor of the Subway Alumni (disprove it) because, I’m not sure how much I have left in the tank. I’d promise better, but that might be a lie such as the one being told about ANY improvement on the offensive side of the ball. sigh
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Headbutts And Groin Kicks… B.C. 2007

October 16, 2007
Headbutts
  • Brian Smith. This kid is going to be a good one. We have heard that line all week… and I like it. KABOSH!
  • Evan Sharpley. The kid comes in and good things happen. Take that 1 off of his jersey and he might remind you of another QB coming off of the bench. Well, at least a little bit.
  • Trevor Laws. He should receive a headbutt every hour on the hour for what he means to this team. KABOSH!
  • Robby Parris. Samardzija didn’t break out until his junior year. Robby is a sophomore and reminds a lot of people of Jeff. Personally, I think he looks like Bob.

Groin Kicks

  • Charlie Weis. I have a lot of reasons this week, but one will suffice. Does opening up an offense begin with the same lame swing passes and dive plays? I think not… swift kick to the junk.
  • Silva. Get a fucking haircut, hippie.
  • Fredo Fans. You suck. And your dialect is amusing to no one.
  • NBC. Seriously, does ND get that big of a check that you feel the need for 44 extra minutes of commercials?
  • Jaghjghjgdasofdski. Your reaction to one second remaining in the game was pathetic. Don’t worry big boy, the refs you brought were paid well and can not add 14 points to ND’s total with only a second remaining. Boston College is the right fit for you. Dick.
  • Those psychotic, fat pocketed, prick refs. Turk finally blocks a guy (the first all year) and he gets penalized for it. Made my day. One kick for each of your nuts. That’s a double nut smash.

Headbutts And Groin Kicks… Fredo Style

October 12, 2007
Headbutts
  • Irish Secondary. This will be the toughest challenge these boys will face in the air ALL year. Expect to see a lot of substitutions with the corners in nickel, dime, and penny packages. David Bruton in particular will be key in trying to stop this air assault. I think he stands up to the task and has a coming out party.
  • David Bruton. A 2nd one for the greatest gunner on special teams in the history of life. Knock some dicks in the dirt.
  • Eric Olsen. He takes over the starting spot at guard over an AWOL Matt Carufel.
  • Mo Crum. A repeat performance would be nice.
  • Pat Kuntz. Kerry Neal. Starting Defense, place at the table…

Groin Kicks

  • Super Fans. Seriously. We are not UMass.
  • Jaghjguyfbyerbdski. A harder name to spell than Samardzija. That deserves a swift kick.
  • Matt Ryan. Your tombstone has already been written.
  • Tribble and Silva. I have nothing on you but I’m going to kick you in the nuts anyways.
  • And this ND student that ESPN dug up twice now to comment. WTF. He may be the biggest tool…ever. WARNING: Watch the following video with caution as it may cause you to gouge out your eyes and stab your ears with a shovel…

Headbutts And Groin Kicks Post Bruin Beatdown

October 8, 2007
Headbutts
  • Mo Crum. If you saw the game there really isn’t anything more I could say that would put into perspective how huge he played. Lights out.
  • Brandon Walker. 48 yard field goals? Since when do we make those? October 6th 2007.
  • Zibby and Laws. One hit sealed the game.
  • Kerry Neal and Brian Smith. Pressure. These two are really becoming a force on the outside.
  • Clausen. No turnovers versus a very good UCLA “D”

Groin Kicks

  • Bruce Davis. You lost. Now shut the fuck up.
  • Dan Fouts. You mess up every play call with something, whether it be a name, a play, or confusing UCLA’s black coordinator with ND’s and calling him Corwin Brown. (Racist) I’m sure this kick in the nuts will not phase him as Danny boy lost his nuts years ago to Keith Jackson in a bet. (Who was the worst college talking head… ever)
  • Boston College. I can already hear the Super Dicks talking shit.
  • Anyone who has ever had a penalty called on a Zibby punt return. Please stop. We need his yards.
  • Subway Domer. Yes me. I have to kick myself in the nuts for the coverage this past week. Horrendous. I was doing a live blog during the game (forgot to mention it to anyone) and then stopped as I can never sit still during an Irish game. I cuss, I pace, and generally I headbutt all who cross my path… sorry mom.

Headbutts And Groin Kicks… A Little Late Edition

October 2, 2007
Headbutts
  • Golden Tate. Are you kidding me? Not only were his catches spectacular, they were… yes they were spectacular. I was screaming “Recognize! Golden Tate Motherfuckers!” like I was a gansta rapper from the 90’s. Minus the Tec-9 and sweet bandanna.
  • Duval Kamara. Behold, the mighty slant.
  • John Carlson. Justice was served as Carlson nabbed the first TD of the season. He deserves better than this.
  • Jimmy Clausen. First TD pass and he played pretty well before he was succumbed to injury.
  • Evan Sharpley. Coming off the bench he looked, dare I say it… Montanaesque. (Of course Joe would have won the game)
  • Corwin Brown. It seems he is taking some shit for being emotional on the sideline and celebrating with his players. Tim Prister is a douche bag. I’m glad he can relate to the players and have their trust. Typical, from a white, middle-aged, ass-clown. Hey CB, I’ll give ya a chest bump… now coach.
  • Chris Stewart and Family. I’m sure you’ve heard the the HUMAN PLANET Chris Stewart has returned to the team. The last thing we needed was less depth at the O-Line. Now run some laps.

Groin Kicks

  • Darrin Walls. It’s hard for me to give these to a cornerback. I played the position and realize how demanding it is and how much of an island you are on. But, you still need your nuts kicked in when you play as poorly as Darrin did. Purdue has his number, star 69 those bitches next year.
  • The ENTIRE kicking game. Two missed extra points is two too many.
  • Andre Ware. If you watched the game (unlike Beetle’s punk ass) you know what I’m talking about. Heisman winners that do jack shit in the NFL should not broadcast. Be more like Jason White… and disappear.
  • Brian Smith. Stop the cheap shots… unless you can get away with it.
  • Offensive Line. Only 2 sacks, but your starter was knocked out of the game and short yard situations might as well be 10+.
  • Mark May. I don’t need your sympathy… bitch.

Headbutts And Groin Kicks… Boiler Week

September 28, 2007
Headbutts
  • Jimmy Clausen. Your predecessor straight up OWNED Purdue. In fact, Quinn threw for more yards against Purdue than any other QB has done to any team in all of history.Or so I’ve been told by ESPN radio. Everyone knows Weis wants to run the football, and we should, but Jimmy can be the tipping point for the victory here.
  • Offensive line. Are you foaming at the mouth yet? Purdue’s schedule has been soft and their run D has been suspect. Time to get it clicking by knocking dicks into the dirt and protecting our boy Jimmy.
  • Darrin Walls. Time for redemption from last years game.
  • Weis. You OWN Tiller… keep it that way.
  • All Irish fans traveling to the game. Be many and be loud.

Groin Kicks

  • Ben Smith from Fort Wayne’s Journal Gazette. Screw you. You are a hack who can never decide if you are a fiction writer, sports writer, or bearded fairy. Rothstein should stomp your nuts.
  • Drum bangers. You say its the worlds largest drum, fact says it is the 3rd largest. Liars.
  • Tiller. Go sell some oatmeal and life insurance to geriatrics… and stay the hell away from Endor.
  • All Purdue fans. Your time is up.

Headbutts And Groin Kicks… Post Sparty

September 24, 2007
Headbutts
  • James Aldridge. Thanks for the effort. One of the few positives from the game was Aldridge and his 100 yard game. He is hungry… feed him.
  • Robert Hughes. He really looks like the short yardage back we have been needing. He will be a load in the future.
  • Travis Thomas. No penalties and your one carry for one yard and one touchdown was a thank-you from Weis for playing your heart out all the time.
  • Brian Smith and Kerry Neal. Two more frosh that are playing themselves into the lineup with the skills to get penetration and close in on the QB.
  • Mo Crum. “All heart Rock.”

Groin Kicks

  • Geoff Price. Kick the FUCKING BALL!
  • Weis. 4th down and one can be a throwing down too.
  • Mark Dantonio. Please bring back Johnelle.
  • Lambert. Look for the ball in the air.
  • Spartans. Have fun with your meltdown later this year.

Headbutts And Groin Kicks…Post-Michigan

September 17, 2007
Only one headbutt goes out this week for the Michigan game; Jimmy Clausen. He took an ass whooping the likes of which would kill mere mortals. I am almost afraid to give one to him though… one more hit and he may end up in the morgue. Keep eating your vitamins, and saying your prayers, brother.

Groin Kicks

  • Offensive line. Are your nuts getting sore by now fellas? Obviously Sullivan isn’t phased by the kick in the junk, or else he wouldn’t be laughing.
  • Demetrius Jones. You have no nuts or else you might have come clean with Weis and the team about your departure. A rare Vagina Kick is in store for you.
  • Weis. It’s in the end, your responsibility to make sure the team can at least compete as a football team. I have not seen one this year.
  • Mike Hart. Just because I don’t like you.

Pregame Headbutts And Groin Kicks… Skunkbear Edition

September 13, 2007
Here are our headbutts and groin kicks for those stupid Skunkbears. Remember always, MICHIGAN SUCKS!

Headbutts

  • John Sullivan, Dan Wenger, Mike Turkovich, Paul Duncan, and Sam Young. Seriously take this headbutt and and do something with it. Your play will probably determine the outcome of the game.
  • Armando Allen. Time to really breakout.
  • John Carlson. Just be there.
  • Anthony Vernaglia and John Ryan. Time to get beyond aggressive, and into fucking headhunter mode.
  • Terrail Lambert. One word; REDEMPTION.

Groin Kicks

  • Mike Hart. He keeps running his mouth. A swift kick to the junk is necessary. By the way, He looks hurt again, don’t be surprised if he comes up lame after Toryan Smith unloads a can of I just fucked you up on him.
  • Lllloyd Carr. I hate to see you go.
  • Chad Henne. Scoreboard injuries are never cool.
  • The creators of Michigan Stadium. WORST STADIUM EVER.

Here is a video that I’m sure we all have seen online or at home. It is fitting for this week and this game. Watch it, then find a dog, an old lady, a homeless guy, or whoever you can find and throw a viscous headbutt their way.

Post-Game Notes…Penn State

September 9, 2007
Jimmy Clausen made his first career start Saturday at Penn State.
Well, at least it is Michigan week. I can not believe I can say that, but after Oregon’s ass-kicking of the Skunkbears and our own beatdown at the hands of Penn State, ND and Meatchicken will face off with both teams being 0-2. First time in history.

But before we can get to that, let’s get some closure on this last debacle.

Coddling Clausen

Charlie Weis did what I expected him to do with a freshman quarterback. He protected him early with quick passes and had him throw mostly swings and screens to start off the game. Good. The problem, was that he kept him doing this for most of the game. Getting Jimmy some completions and letting his confidence grow was a good thing, but I don’t think Jimmy has or had a lack of it to begin with. Granted, the times ND threw the ball down field Jimmy was running for his life, but those were situations where the defense knew that the Irish were going to anyways. This anemic offense hobbled the team and itself in a variety of ways.

Flag Happy

You could sense after Paul Duncan was flagged for a false start before the first play from scrimmage, that this might be an ugly game for the line yet again. The Irish were flagged 14 time for 97 yards Saturday. Most of which were caused by a member of the offensive line. The rush off the ends for Penn State was so good, you almost can’t blame Duncan for the ones called against him…almost.

Blitztember

For the second game in a row this year (and we’ve only had two), blitz protection has been abysmal. Give credit to the defensive line of PSU for taking on two O-Lineman at a time to allow the blitzing party. Clausen was sacked 5 times. Now while this is a slight improvement from last week, it is still absolute SHIT.

The New Laura Quinn

The Clausen family is the new quickshot for ABC/ESPN this year. Somebody had to of kept track of how many time they went to a shot of the whole family during the game. I really don’t care if Momma winces in pain after her little boy was just thrown to the turf, show something else…please.

Give Brown A Break

The defense was on the field way too long. This was in part due to the ineffectiveness of the Irish offense. Another reason why the Irish defense looked so spent, was the fact that the punt team was comprised of a lot of Irish starters on the defensive side of the ball. We punted 10 times.

Headbutts

  • Jimmy Clausen. Jimmy showed a lot of maturity and poise while under attack from defenders because of an offensive line that lacked maturity and poise.
  • Tommy Z. 3 inches from taking it all the way. Add that with a solid performance and a forced fumble and Zibby is licking his chops about a wounded Skunkbear.
  • Darrin Walls. Shutting the Media up with one swoop is no easy task, yet he managed to do so.

I’ll take that, bitch.

  • Pat Kuntz. Another week of brawling. He’s doing a great job taking on those defenders.

Groin Kicks

  • The Penn State student body. They booed the Irish band and turned their backs while they played. Classless. I hope a Tuba is shoved up their asses in hell.
  • The Mackey Award. Carlson should have got it last year, and now he is in purgatory with only 4 grabs in 2 games… by design.
  • Travis Thomas. You are a captain, time to act like one and not like an asshole. Cheapshots are never good… in front of the ref while the ball is 50 yards away.
  • The entire ND offensive line. You all know why.