Archive for the ‘Interview’ Category

Interview With Socialist Skunkbears… You’ve Been Warned

September 10, 2009

As we did last year, The Wolverine Liberation Army and The Subway Domer shared a warm beer and smoked non-filtered cigarettes while pretending to know things about things. Here are the questions that were asked of me (they should be up soon- I wake up a bit earlier), while you will find my interview of them below.

Take the safety off…

Say you are a fan of a traditional powerhouse in football. Say that team may or may have not committed NCAA rules, but they are allegations none the less and must be addressed. Would you rather have your head coach A) Be stoic, defensive and proud while denying all charges B) Cry like a bitch and admit what he did was wrong C) Cry like a bitch, but deny D) Stand up at the podium for 20 minutes and try to cry like a bitch but could never shed a tear?

We’re not sure what this question is driving at – as far as we know, lying to Burger King about being short changed on an order to get a free Angry Whopper isn’t actually an NCAA violation and we didn’t see Weis crying when he was confronted about it. Or are you referring to Ta-nu-ta blubbering like a sad Thomas the Tank Engine when he was told in meetings that blitzing 13 guys is illegal and potentially risky?

Also, we didn’t see E) drive his enormous ass up and down the sideline on an electric cart. We’re sure the ND faithful would choose E.

The WLA refuses to discuss said allegations as they are involved with the investigation. They also stated that while Ann Arbor is a whore, she is an expensive whore.

You have a couple of good players on both sides of the ball, or so I am told. Give me a couple and explain why I should give a shit.

The best player on the roster, by far, is Brandon Graham. You, and Jimmy Clausen may remember him from Sam Young “blocking” him to the tune of 3.5 sacks in 2007. In 2 years of starting, he has 18.5 sacks, and while not registering any last week, knocked WMU’s Tim Hiller down around 10,000 times. He’s a first-round pick next draft – single-block him at your peril.

Tate Forcier is a remarkably poised freshman QB. And I don’t even mean this sort of “poised”.

ESPN and the rest of the media are jerking off to ND and Michigan after their week 1 performances. Who needs who more, ND/UM needs the media or vice versa?

The media needs them. No two teams can get the Midwestern, overweight, Natty light drinking fans going like ND and Michigan. Sure, OSU has their fair share of loyalists, but Ohio fucking blows. Michigan and Notre Dame have huge bandwagons and are ratings winners for ESPN and company – they would love one of them to rise to national prominence once again.

ND/UM don’t need the media, we can talk to ourselves about how great we are (or were) and never once open a news paper. The only thing ND/UM need the media for is for our rich, blue hair alums to check their stock quotes and to watch Fox News.

I have one word for you… word.

ND and Michigan go after a lot of the same recruits. Give me a couple of guys on the current ND squad that you would want wearing piss streaks on their helmet (A.K.A. the winged helmet). How would they make your team better?

Definitely not these guys:

Regardless, players seem to become useless once Charlie gets his hands on them.

Well, what about guys like this:
He fucking dominated you.

Do you even know how good Jimmy Clausen really is, or are you terrified by the truth?

We guess as terrified as anyone can be by a balding 20 year-old being cuckolded by his 500-pound planetary coach.

The WLA are used to 5’8 140 pound crackhead QB’s. That’s why they have a weight obsession.

How will Stevie Brown help the Irish in 2009?

Stevie Brown is now a linebacker, and thus far more unlikely to cause a gaffe that results in Notre Dame running a single-man route for a touchdown. Troy Woolfolk? That’s another question.

When the game is over, remember the image of Brown getting postered by Kyle Rudolph.

With the best offensive player on your team from the 2008 game now in Houston (McGuffie), who will fill his tiny shoes?

Denard Robinson is faster than Charlie Weis when a new plate of ribs is put on the buffet at OCB. Did you know he doesn’t tie his shoes?

Someone told me that Te’o can’t stand QB’s that don’t tie their shoes. Ooohhhhhh.

If Michigan goes into a tailspin after the beatdown that they are about to receive, what happens to Dick Rod?

RR probably need to get Michigan bowl-eligible this year, which is imminenty attainable. Whether that involves beating Notre Dame or not is probably ultimately irrelevant. That said, if Michigan wins Saturday’s game, it would take a mind-numbingly awful loss (like, to Eastern, Deleware St., Indiana, or Purdue) to stop Michigan from making a bowl game.

What an amazingly tough schedule! That’s Big Ten tough!

Loved this question from you (WLA reads Subway Domer). I’ll return it to you: Who is your favorite Wu-Tanger? Which Michigan player most resembles him?

Our favorite, by far, is the Ghostface Killah – the Michigan player that most resembles him, clearly, is 4th string quarterback David Cone. See for yourself at around 2:20 of this.

You can’t stop Tony Starks.

Has the average Michigan fan’s perception of this game changed with Notre Dame’s first week performance?

I’d say the “average” Michigan fan is likely far more optimistic about Michigan’s chances. I think those of us that follow the day-in, day-out ups and downs of the teams are probably in the same place as we were – Michigan, at home, has an extremely good shot at winning this game.

It’s too early in the season for Michigan fans to realize what is going on.

Your prediction.

Barring last year’s barrage of turnovers and an appearance by the Artist Formerly Known as “Starting Quarterback Nick Sheridan”, I think Michigan eeks out a lower-scoring affair. Notre Dame’s offensive line has been bad for two years, and at some point, you need to ignore Sam Young’s five-stars and concentrate on the fact that he’s been a turnstile for his entire career. Michigan’s defensive line will make minced-meat of the o-line, and their secondary will likely have a gaffe or two that results in Michael Floyd and Golden Tate prancing down the sidelines. The road-team classically does poorly in this series, and Saturday will be no exception – 20-14, MICH. Book it.

Fellas, fellas, fellas….

Orange Magic, An Interview

November 19, 2008

Earlier this week, I was contacted by the dominant Syracuse blog “Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician.” He was looking for a little Q&A, and I was more than willing to oblige. Here are my questions for Sean and the answers are provided as well. Cool how that works, huh.

I have always considered Sean to be an even minded individual and have enjoyed his posts. There is a couple of things that I find out about Sean in this interview that validate my opinions. Try and find out what those 2 things are.

You were hoping for an International Bowl bid earlier this year. What went wrong?

Greg Robinson happened.

I’ll be the first to admit my International Bowl hopes were facetious at best. I don’t think anyone was predicting this team would win more than three games. And it looks like we were right.

Forget about the fact that Greg Robinson has been prominently involved or that our defense has been instructed to tackle by using the “ole” technique. Look at our schedule. You’ve got Northwestern (8-3), Akron (5-5), Penn State (10-1), Northeastern (1-AA), Pitt (7-2), West Virginia (6-3), USF (6-4), Louisville (5-5), Rutgers (5-5), UConn (7-3). Not a losing record among them (aside from Northeastern, which doesn’t count). And now we get a 6-4 Notre Dame and then a 8-2 Cincy, both on the road. It’s not the hardest schedule in the country but it’s up there.

But believe me, that’s not the reason we’re terrible, that’s just part of the issue. Even a mediocre team could be 5-5 with that schedule. Hence, Greg Robinson is no more.

Who are your best offensive and defensive players? What/who should ND be afraid of?

If he’s firing on all cylinders, beware of Curtis Brinkley. The Orange started the season with a whole slew of running backs competing for the starting job. By the end of the first game it was clear Curtis was our guy and we’ve been riding him ever since (no homo). Curtis passed the 1,000-yard mark for the season last week, a season that includes six 100-yard games. He hasn’t broken that barrier in two games (94 last week) so he’s due.

Our passing attack has been abysmal the last few weeks so even though we have some talented receivers on the field, don’t worry about them. Greg Robinson is being coy about who he’s going to start at QB, last year’s starter Andrew Robinson or this year’s starter Cam Dantley. Neither have been particularly impressive lately so…whatever.

Defensively, DL Arthur Jones is the main man and his partner Nick Santiago is no slouch either. They have 5.5 of SU’s 9 sacks this season and you expect them to put pressure on Clausen all day.

How do you expect the team to react in terms of on-field performance after the news of Robinson being fired? Should he still be coaching these last two games or do you wish that they would have gone with an interim coach?

Regardless of the results, I’ve always been under the impression that the team likes Greggers. He is, if nothing else, a really nice guy. And what he lacks in coaching ability he makes up for in being a good person. And the players seem to appreciate that. I think they will keep the intensity level high and try to win one for Greg before he goes.

That said, they’re still the same team so…try as they might I don’t know if that’s possible.

I have no problem with him coaching the last two games at this point. What’s the harm? I would have rather they fired Robinson after the Pitt game. We had a bye week afterwards and it would have been perfect timing to install an interim coach (OC Mitch Browning probably) and try something different. It certainly couldn’t have ended up much worse and who knows, maybe Mitch could have found a formula that Robinson couldn’t. We’ll never know.

What is the biggest misconception of Syracuse football besides the fact that Ernie Davis never wore Nike’s?

That we’ve been bad for a really long time. I always get the sense that college football fans in general think that Syracuse has been a mediocre-to-bad program for a long, long time and that’s just not the case. We had a 10-win season as recently as 2001. We went to an Orange Bowl in ’98 and a Fiesta Bowl in ’96. We’ve had a ton of NFL talent walk through the doors in the last decade (Donovan McNabb, Dwight Freeney, Keith Bulluck, Donovin Darius, Will Allen, David Tyree).

I also can’t stand it when people say that Syracuse will never be good again. How short-sighted and dumb do you have to be. I mean, have you followed college football at all in the last thirty years? Programs rise, programs fall, players come and go. Nothing is constant. Look at Northwestern. Look at Kansas. Look at Minnesota (1-11 last year, 7-4 this year). All any program needs is a good coach and a couple good recruiting classes and they can compete. It’s so much simpler than we make it out to be sometimes.

What are your personal feelings towards Notre Dame in terms of conference affiliation, scheduling, BCS deal, etc.?

I should probably note at this point that in a former life I was a Notre Dame fan. I grew up an extremely passionate Irish fan from the 1987 Tim Brown/Cotton Bowl season to around the end of the Lou Holtz Era. By the time I got to Syracuse I dropped the Irish and haven’t looked back since.

My claim to ND fame is that I attended the #1 FSU vs. #2 Notre Dame game in ’93. Still the best sporting event I’ve ever been to in my life. Went on the field after the game, walked out the tunnel as a sea of stone-faced Florida State fans sat in stunned silence. Amazing experience.

Do I think Notre Dame should just up and join a conference already? Absolutely. But I also understand why they don’t. And until the time comes when the NCAA, the BCS, NBC and everyone else doesn’t give them that special treatment, why should they change?

While at this point the Big East is a viable option based on the relationships with all the other sports, the Irish would be crazy not to join the Big Ten if they ever do make the move. Too much history with many of those programs, let alone the geographic ties.

My only real beef at this point is the SU/ND deal that was put into place that has us playing ten times in the near future, five in Notre Dame and five in Giants Stadium (or whatever it will be then). I feel like Syracuse pulled it’s pants down a little bit on that one. Our athletic director is desperate for any kind of NYC exposure so I see why he loved the idea. But I really think at least one of those games should be played at Syracuse. Or at least one of the ND home games should be in Chicago to give us some new exposure. The fact that SU doesn’t lose a home game for it eases the pain but I would have liked to have seen a little more give and take.

What are your dreams for the Syracuse program and can your dreams become a reality?

Here are my realistic expectations for Syracuse football.

8 out of every 10 years, we are in competition for the Big East title.
6 out of every 10 years, we finish the season ranked.
3 out of every 10 years, we win the Big East title.
1 out of every 10 years, we are in competition for the National Title.

This is pretty much how things were for SU between 1987 and 1997. I see no reason things have changed so drastically that we can’t do it again. Give me a good coach and a couple good recruiting classes and we can at least get back on track.

A friend and co-worker, who just so happens to be an Ohio State fan is a big reader and supporter of Subway Domer. His name is Trent (A.K.A. beanie4heisman) and I believe him to be one of the biggest fans of Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician. He reads your work and loves your site. I asked him to come up with a question for me to ask you, so here it is: 1. Who do you honestly believe to be the next Syracuse head coach and who is your dream guy? 2. Where does the website go from here? (Considering the amount of print regarding Greggers).

First up Trent, your check is in the mail.

As to my dream guy, I assume I’m not really allowed to say Urban Meyer will leave Florida for Syracuse, so let’s go with who is available. My dream coach would be someone who has proven they can not only win but that they can take a low level program and turn it into a winner relatively quickly. He has strong Northeastern recruiting ties and familiarity with the region. He’s not interested in running any cockamamie pro offenses and just wants to play some good old fashioned college football. And he’s an SU alum.

There’s only one person out there who fits that criteria. Randy Edsall. The bonus of taking Edsall would be that we make a rival, UConn, weaker. Edsall is now publicly saying he’s not interested, but who knows with coaches. I mean, would he really say otherwise right now?

I honestly believe the next coach of Syracuse football will be Buffalo’s Turner Gill. He’s turned the Bulls into a bowl team, he can recruit New York and the Northeast and had his team played SU this season I think we would have had a new New York’s College Team. I think all of those candidates are going to come and go, most of them looking to “better” opportunities and Gill will be there waiting for us in the end.

As for what we’re going to do for content now that Greggers is leaving…I’m not sure. He’s such a tough act to follow. Can I request that press conference stupidity be a requirement of the next coach?

You can see what the Orange are up to all week over at Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician. Thanks to Sean for indulging in mine and Trent’s guilty pleasure that is TNIAAM.

If you want to know why Troy Nunes is so fucking dominant, watch the following video that was posted earlier this year.

Death To Communism. An Interview With A Lunatic

September 10, 2008

I was contacted by the Michigan Department of Community Mental Health last week. They stated that they had several people in their care that claimed to be part of the Wolverine Liberation Army and those patients were demanding an audience with the great Subway Domer, Emperor of the Subway Alumni. Amused and intrigued, I trekked up to Ann Arbor (whore) to grant them an interview as I had a few questions of my own.
Here is my account with them…
1. Define Michigan Man. What purpose does he serve?
Petit-Bourgeoisie scum who gain a real, but small accomplishment (graduating from Michigan) and act as if it gives them superiority against the rest of the proletariat by assigning magical, mystical qualities to themselves and other grads by acting as if they are members of an insular, exclusive country club. Often, is adopted to mask the lack of any real accomplishment. As a Notre Dame fan, I’m sure you know the type. When the Revolution succeeds, the Michigan Men will be the first against the wall to face the firing line.
And I will be pulling the trigger.
2. After living in Ypsilanti for a few years, I am curious, describe your feelings towards Michigan’s “Twin Cities” How much crack does the team buy on the corner of Washtenaw and Normal?
You lived in Ypsilanti? Are you from Kentucky? Or Missouri? Or the son of a stripper? As for crack – any Michigan graduate or student can tell you that the only thing to do in Ypsilanti is go to the Vu (NOT SAFE FOR WORK). That’s a different sort of crack, though many pleasant “conversations” were had with women that seemed to really like me! What? No really, I think she liked me!
Ahh. I remember amateur nights fondly. That must have been you in the corner with the trench coat.
3. What is the purpose of seating 110,000 people if it is as quiet as a funeral? Crying included.
Unlike the drunken irish throngs that flock to Notre Dame’s stadium, Michigan crowds are comprised of the working proletariat, and are employed. We are too tired to engage in such frivolity as cheering. We do aspire to be as loud as the boos after Notre Dame lost to Navy.
Yet somehow the Michigan faithful have the energy to throw bottles onto the field after yet another Henne turnover. (See ND-UM 2005).
4. How much do you miss Thor? I mean Ryan Mallet.
Ryan Mallett betrayed the revolution, and will meet the same fate as another famous traitor of the people’s cause who fled to southern environs – an icepick to the back of the head. The vile traitor Mallett was scatter-armed, ill-prepared, and a poor fit for Comrade Rodriguez’s offense. Had he stayed loyal, his struggles would match those of our current options.-\
So what you are saying is that DickRod is all wrong. Bad system, bad QB’s.
5. What is your timeline for finally beating OSU? Are assassinations necessary for victory for your cause?
Comrade Stalin was known for feeding the Nazi hordes just enough soldiers to slow their advances as he built a larger, formidable force behind them. For the next two to three years this is the strategy. Once Comrade Rodriguez can attain the players for his system and can let them mature, we’ll go all Battle of Stalingrad on their ass.
Sadly, I realize your optimism and faith in your coach is real. I only suggest that you watch the ND-USC games with Ty and Charlie at the helm. It make take a while before DickRod finally takes down the Sweatervest.
6. Do you think the UM-ND Rivalry needs a trophy? If so, what are your suggestions?
Boots Randolph’s Gold Record for Yakety Sax.
Hmm. I think I’d go with The Gold Plated Shoe of Reggie Ho.
7. What, if any, hopes do you have for 2008 after a brutal loss to a bunch of excommunicated Mormons?
Thankfully, the Utes possess the best Quarterback and offense that Michigan will face this year – and after a tough first half, our defense pretty much nailed them down. Michigan’s offense is currently a train-wreck, but the the defense ought to be strong enough to carry them to at least six wins. Think 2007 Notre Dame with a top-ten defense. Also, Comrade Rodriguez will likely not fritter away a game by going for 4th and 8 with a tie game while staring at a makeable field goal.
No. DickRod is too used to losing to the handicapped. (WV-PITT 2007)
8. Will Carlos Brown start at QB for UM aginst The Fighting Irish, or will DickRod hold open tryouts to the general student body in hopes for an elite walk-on?
You mean to imply that Nick Sheridan is not an elite walk-on? In reality, the Brown-as-QB experiment seems to be aborted, as Brown is either hurt or in the doghouse, depending on which scuttle-butt you believe. I think that once he’s healthy (if that’s the problem, which I tend to believe), there is the distinct possibility that we run a true option with him at QB for at least 10 or 15 snaps a game. This, however, is not something that will happen this Saturday. You will see both of the slow, white, poor-throwing QB’s in all their glory.
I love the indecision. Worked out for ND in 2007.
9. Did you cry while watching Rudy, and how has he inspired you?
I don’t recall crying, but I recall laughing when I found out that all his hard work paid off for him to become a practitioner of the Janitorial Arts.
And you are stuck in a mental hospital. Huh. BTW- I cried for all of humanity when that ass licker, Nick Lachey, sang hail to the Victors. Just a sad, sad moment.
10. Please take this opportunity to launch an unprovoked attack at a non-Notre Dame rival.
I think we can both get behind this: Michigan State. Keep it up, brah. PLEASE continue to plant flags and crow about your rare significant wins, so when it’s repaid, we can all laugh at you in all your inept, petulant glory.

A Chat With Demetrius

September 24, 2007

While at the game Saturday, I was surprised as I looked to my left and saw former Notre Dame quarterback Demetrius Jones. I quickly went from surprise to inquisitive. I wished DJ good luck in the future and asked him a few questions. I was kind of took back at what he said and how he acted. Here is a run down of those events. Please allow me to paraphrase as I did not have a recorder or pen with me.

  • He came down to my seat which was right in front of the Vonage pre/post game booth.
  • His main concern was contacting sideline reporter Alex Flanagan (right name?)
  • He saw her on the phone and told me quite arrogantly, See that pretty lady on the phone? I bet you she’s trying to get a hold of me.
  • As the team left the field for halftime, he yelled out at a few players. Aldridge was the only one to wave at him.
  • As Weis walked by he asked me Do you think I could hit Weis’s fat head with this phone? He muttered something else as he laughed about what he just said.
  • Frustrated with not being able to contact Alex with his phone, he asked to borrow mine. Intrigued about what was going on, I let him use it and now I have her number saved… for future use.
  • Said he wished she wasn’t pregnant. That’s one fine lady.
  • When asked about his departure he stated, You saw what happened on the field. Everyone did. I mean its just a bunch of shit.
  • He was finally able to get the reporter by having an usher stop her and tell her to look up.
  • She looked surprised to see him and pointed at him to come down to talk with her.
  • He left.

I’m not sure what to make of this but he sounded like there was a LOT of hard feelings toward Weis. He did seem genuinely concerned about the team. However, it was clear to me that he wanted, or needed, even more of the spotlight on him.

Please remember this is just a paraphrasing that I put together as best I could. I am not trying to kick the kid, just relaying to you what I heard and saw.

Photos by Jon Hauenstein.

An Interview With A No-Name

September 6, 2007
A white out in September? Sounds fishy.
I recently typed up an interview for J.B. of the Penn State blog There is No Name On My Jersey. (Long name). Here it is for what it is worth…
  1. What do you feel are PSU strengths and weaknesses? Penn State’s strength’s are as obvious as the uncertainty at other positions. Offensively, the WR corps are a very talented and mature bunch. The Offensive line is an experienced bunch this year but most of them are new to their positions. I believe that A.Q. Shipley will have them working together well. Anthony Morelli remains an enigma; will the controlled, mistake-free QB from the Outback Bowl show up on game day? Or will it be the QB who tries to force passes that aren’t there? Austin Scott is certainly a talented RB but it remains to be seen if he can deliver on that potential over an entire season. Defensively, the back seven are among the best in the country. Justin King a shut-down corner with 4.2/40 speed is not only the best corner on the team but also the best DB in the Big Ten. Anthony Scirrotto is an All-Big Ten Safety who is a real ball-hawk. The LBs are the best in the country. Dan Connor will be an All-American this year and will break Posluszny’s record for most tackles at PSU. Sean Lee might be even better than Dan! The real question on Defense is a defensive line which has been decimated by injuries. Devon Still, a true frosh who looked to make an impact this year, is out for the season with a knee injury. Abe Koroma, who was going to start, broke his foot and won’t be back until sometime after week 4. There is still talent on the line but it will be thin and any injuries could really expose a lack of depth. The D-line is also relatively inexperienced and if they can’t tie up lineman so the LBs can make plays it could be a big problem.
  2. The Irish’s strength and weaknesses? I am by no means an Irish expert so I’m sure I’m only pointing out the very obvious. Offensively, question marks abound. Will Clausen be up to the task? Will the offensive line give the young QB enough time to throw? Will the running game be effective? Defensively, the problem seems to be the secondary. With an offense that is still learning the Irish will have to keep scores under 20 pts. in order to win.
  3. How does JoePa walk around in the daylight as a member of the undead? Well, first of all, I don’t think the un-dead have any problems walking around in the daylight. I think you are referring to vampires. That being said, Joe can do it because he is fucking Joe Paterno. He doesn’t watch TV (obviously) he does football.
  4. Do white outs actually work or is it just an excuse for being colorblind? The White-Out works. They are calling for a stadium wide white-out but i just don’t think it will happen. The students will be completely sans color but there will be several blue-hairs who don’t get the message. However, when the sun has set, zombie nation is playing, and the students are basically moshing in the stands you will then observe the excellence of the white-out.
  5. Have you tasted the delicious treat that is the deep fried White Castle…if so, thoughts? I haven’t. However it looks phenomenal. Chris, if your reading this I have got to try one at the Tosu game so deep fry one of those bad boys for me!
  6. How is the Big Integer race going to shape up? The Big Integer race? I’m afraid i have no idea what you’re talking about.
  7. Does Dan Conner prefer the clear or the cream? PSU does things the right way. Dan is huge and fast but he has always been huge and fast. If anything we need to try to bottle his DNA and make little blue & white clones for the future.
  8. Are you attending the game? I will not be attending the game. Sadly, I live 2,000 miles from State College. There is also the pesky matter of finding $1,100 for a ticket. That I do not have. I will be wearing white and be going out of my mind in my living room.
  9. Predictions for Saturday? I put up a previous prediction of:PSU: 38ND: 20I’m not going to back off of that prediction now. I think the game will be eerily similar to last years game but in a mirror image. Thanks for the invite. Good questions. I can’t wait for the game!

Thank-You J.B. I can’t wait for you to lose either!